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Hi Sally. Congratulations on turning your life around! I'm sure you will find many women on this site who have also gone the route of feminism for a while before settling into a taken in hand relationship. I've been married for 22 years and have only this year started this kind of relationship. We have never been happier or closer, and our sex life is tremendous. Here is what I would recommend: If you have not broached the subject of submission with your husband, I would wait a bit. You are just now finding out how effective putting Laura Doyle's principles into action is and I would let that build for awhile. Read Dr. Laura's book on The Proper Care and Feeding of Men, and perhaps, "Fascinating Womanhood." If you are a Christian, consider "Let Me Be A Woman" by Elisabeth Elliot. Each of these books will strengthen your resolve and give you greater skills. Give yourself a few months to continue to incorporate these principles and changes into your marriage and monitor the result. Let your husband come to see that these are permanent changes and can be trusted and not just a "whim." If he wants to know "what's going on," just tell him you've realized that you want to show him how much you have always appreciated and respected him. No need to grovel about the past. Definitely continue with sexual availability--that plus daily appreciation--will do more than anything to strengthen him.
As for spanking, I would recommend this: If you have never played around with spanking in a sexual context--start there. Just tell him the truth--that the idea turns you on. I was embarrassed to say so for 20 years, but when I finally did, it was no big deal. Men are generally happy to accommodate fantasies that lead to sex! My husband and I tried for awhile to bring spanking out of a sexual context and use it for discipline, but this really didn't work out that well for us. Play around with it sexually before you try anything else. "Real" discipline can change the relationship in ways you may not want to go.
Third, take your time on the money thing that Laura Doyle suggests. I asked my husband to take over the finances, but I continue to act as "secretary." That way, the major decisions are off of my shoulders, but I know that things are getting done (together on the weekends) so I'm not anxious about late bills, etc.
